Numerophobia

N. The fear of numbers



Why I should never be an accountant or in finance...
(As written during Business Finance Class..)

1. I don't have an attention span.
2. Lectures that involve numbers, immediately put me to sleep. It's a medical condition, I'll find the name later... ;)
3. I don't balance my checkbook. Ever.
4. I never use cash. Ever.
5. I like to read.
6. But not financial statements. Books.
7. I like sunlight and social interaction.
8. I often type "." instead of "," which can be a huge mistake.
Example: A $6,000 charge to an account versus a $6.000 will result in zero points on the
test.
9. I have to use my fingers to count months.
10. I use TurboTax to do my taxes. And I still get confused.
11. My method of personal budgeting is just making sure have a lot of extra money in the bank at all times.
12. When people say the stock market fell 600 points today, I have NO idea what that means...
13. When people talk about the stock market, I pretend to know what they are talking about..
14. When people talk about the stock market, I engage them in a heated debate about a current issue in finance. Which I've ripped, word for word, from the Wall Street Journal front page. I never read the article.
15. I might have given some bad stock market advice that resulted in someone losing their life savings.
16. Thank God it was just a school project and they didn't invest any real money.
17. "Economic Downturn" translates to, "really great shoe sales," in my language.
18. I dislike wearing a suit.
19. I passed Accounting because of Troy Giljohann. And a great photographic memory of what was on the board immediately before pop quizzes.
20. My only hope for passing Business Finance is Troy Giljohann.
21. The last investment I made was a pair of black stiletto pumps that I'll be able to wear forever.
22. I am way too good at talking to sit at a desk with only a calculator for company.
23. I'm in an epic love-hate relationship with Excel.
24. I calculate percentages based on prior sales I've been too... (Kohl's 30% off an item that's already 70% off, with an additional 10% off coupon...)
25. I've decided to set a chunk of my salary away this summer for investing. Investing in.. a new business wardrobe.
26. I'm not quite sure what a dividend is, but I use the word when I have no idea what I'm talking about anymore.
27. My teacher thinks I'm a genius when I use the word dividend.
28. I don't understand why 2,800,000 and 2.8 million are the same thing.
29. I'm not sneaky enough to hide my mistakes.
30. I've left my money in a savings account earning .12 cents of interest a year for the past ten years.
31. I start doing my finance homework, and end up drawing imaginary animals.
32. "Futures" is what is happening a while from now.
33. Retirement planning means deciding to move to a cold climate or warm climate.
34. Bear and Bull refer to Chicago sports teams.
36. Dow Jones is a race car driver competing in the NASDAQ.
37. I've spent the past hour, NOT listening to my professor lecture on financial forecasting but instead made this list.
38. I don't feel like I wasted my time...



:) Have a wonderful night!
Always,
K